March 26, 2025
Growing up, hosting wasn’t part of my family culture. My mom was very strict about not inviting friends over to our place.
As a working mom, she was super busy and didn’t want to host people or spend her energy on entertaining. So, I never invited friends to my home and rarely attended my friends’ parties.
This childhood limitation created an unexpected yearning in me as an adult.
I’m super extroverted, and I want to host. I like the idea of hosting, but I had no idea where to start or how to begin.
Finding Inspiration
The turning point came through a friend’s recommendation of Nick Gray’s book, The 2-Hour Cocktail Party. Intrigued by the structured approach it offered, I decided to take a leap of faith.
I read the book, followed its guidance, and hosted my first event. And I felt, wow, it’s not that bad. I’m not the worst host after all.
Despite this lack of experience, I discovered I had a natural talent for bringing people together. That first successful experience gave me the confidence to continue.
I tried it, I loved it, then I continued with a second party, then a third.
I heard many people say,
“Wow, you’re inspiring me. I wish I could do that.”
Creating a Ripple Effect
What I discovered is that my own initial hesitation was something many people share. Most of us don’t host because we worry—will people show up? Everyone feels nervous about hosting.
I love the fact I’m spreading new ideas to people and having an impact on people’s lives.
The reward came when I inspired someone to become a host as well, and I love that.
For me, hosting has become more than just social entertainment—it’s a way to maintain connections and forge new ones.
It’s also a great way for me to see my old friends and to bring people together.
Evolving the Format: From Cocktail Parties to Dinner Gatherings
After hosting three successful cocktail parties with more than 15 people at each event, I began to feel limitations in the format.
I don’t think large gatherings are enough because they’re broad but on the shallow side. This led me to experiment with a more intimate gathering style.
I decided to host dinner parties where we ask each other meaningful questions. With just four to six people around a table, we discuss various topics and truly get to know one another.
The Question Card System
What makes my dinner parties special is a thoughtfully designed conversation structure. I created a deck of cards that helps me connect more deeply with my friends.
The cards progress through different levels of intimacy:
Level 1 questions focus on light, introductory topics like:
- Who in your life inspires you to be a better person?
- What’s a small thing someone did for you that made a big impact?
- What’s an act of kindness you’ve done recently that made you feel good?
Level 2 questions move toward more reflective topics.
- What’s a childhood memory that still brings you joy?
- What’s a recent moment where you felt completely at peace or in flow?
- Do you have any running goals or races you’re training for?
Level 3 questions encourage deeper vulnerability and connection:
- Can you share a time when you felt truly seen and understood by someone?
- How do you balance the desire to achieve with the need to simply be?
- Can you share a moment when you felt a deep sense of connection with yourself or others?
This structured approach creates a progression that helps guests feel comfortable opening up gradually.
I found these questions in the book How to Know a Person, and organized these questions from easy to more challenging, deeper ones, and then let my guests choose cards from the deck before we answer them together.
The format ensures everyone participates equally. One person answers each question at a time, and afterward, others can comment or share their perspectives. This usually sparks a much deeper understanding of each other.
While The 2-Hour Cocktail Party model suggests a time limit, I find these deeper conversation gatherings typically run longer—about three hours, give or take.
Conclusion
For someone who was once prohibited from inviting friends over, I’ve transformed into someone who not only hosts gatherings but inspires others to do the same.
Through both larger cocktail parties and intimate dinner gatherings, I’ve created spaces where meaningful connections can flourish—proving that sometimes our childhood limitations can become the very things that inspire our adult passions.